Parenting Pitfalls

[rhia]

Parenting Pitfalls
Published August 26th 2009

The hardest part about being a parent in the new millennium is society at large. How do we discipline our children into not becoming the scourge of society when society won't let us?

Anecdote of Idiocy #1:

The Laundry Room

When my daughter was under a year old, and still very unsteady on her feet, we had a run-in with a fellow dweller in my apartment building's laundry room. Even then my daughter would never sit still, so I put her to work handing me the laundry from the basket. I reached down to take the next item from her and grasped at air. Looking down, I realized she was toddling away from me and toward an open container of bleach some idiot had left laying around in a laundry room full of children. I quickly ran over to her and pulled her away from the bleach, as my job as mommy dictates. I did not hurt her, she did not cry (in fact she even smiled up at me knowing she was being naughty), I saved her from potentially killing herself. All of this happened over a 5 second timespan, so I don't want anyone bitching that "you should have been watching her better". Checking on a kid every 5 seconds is the height of kiddie surveillance. The next thing I know, the woman who owned the bleach was yelling at me for yanking her away.

Excuse me???

She actually told me never to do that again to any child and threatened me. Then she proceeded to inform me it was ok what my daughter was doing because she said it was.

Needless to say this resulted in a yelling match, which I won.

1. I was watching my kid, that's why she didn't have bleach for lunch. 2. Leaving open bleach on the floor is against the building’s laundry room policy. Bleaching is to be done in your apartment before entering the laundry room. 3. It’s my job to do WHATEVER IS NECESSARY to prevent my child from an untimely death, no matter the consequences. 4. If she had gotten a hold of the bleach, guess whose face would be plastered all over the news as "worst mother of the year" and everyone would be echoing the same thought "why didn't she do everything she could to avoid this? If that were my kid, I would have pulled her away the first chance I got".

Anecdote of Idiocy #2:

The Church

Fast forward a few months, now my daughter is about 14 months old. Definitely at that stage where you don’t want to leave them alone in an unfamiliar place.

I took her to church (I used to be a "good" Catholic), to hear the mass. I could not go in with her because she's very fidgety and starts yelling out of boredom and everyone turns and gives me filthy looks. And yes, then they ask us to leave because we are disrupting service. Out in the lobby you can still hear mass and this way I was able to keep her occupied.

After the second collection, an usher of the church invites her back into the Sacristy to help put the money away. Being that I had never seen these people before in my life, and that my child was a very vulnerable 14 months old, I followed her in there. For this action, I received a “talking to” because it is inappropriate for me to be in there as I am not church staff. The usher related to me that “father is ok with the little ones being back there, but not their parents”.

What?

I proceeded to inform her that if the Catholic church wishes to stop allegations of sexual abuse against minors that they should stop these asinine procedures. I also told her it was poor judgement to expect a mother to allow her 14 month old daughter to walk off behind closed doors with people she’s never met.

I'm not welcome back at that church.

1. As a parent, it is my ultimate responsibility to prevent potentially abusive things from happening to her. If she had been molested, or fallen down stairs, people would wonder where her mother was. Why did she allow her child to wander off with people unknown to a fate unknown?
2. Who the hell promotes a policy that separates young children from their parents? She can’t tell me if someone hurt her, she can’t make conversation yet at 14 months. Then who the hell takes it further and secludes them behind closed doors?
3. My religious friends have all abandoned me because of this. They think it’s shameful how I denied her an opportunity to explore her faith farther. They think I should have let her walk off.

Anecdote of Idiocy #3:

The Post Office

Let’s fast forward again, to my daughter’s second year. The climbing time. While at the counter at the Post Office, she proceeded to climb up the side of the counter and perched on top of it. I am a big believer that unless the child is in immediate danger, you give them every opportunity to fix their own behaviour with some gentle encouragement. I think this sets good patterns for making right decisions later on. First, I sternly told her to get down. When she refused, I walked over and patted her on her diapered behind, telling her to get down again. When I say patted, I mean with the same strength you use while burping an infant over your shoulder. I only wanted her to get moving, not “teach her a lesson”. The next thing I know, there’s a string of outraged gasps from the line-up behind me, and people whispering “did you see that? She beat her child!”. I finished my business, completely annoyed, then left under the glare of several pairs of disapproving eyes.

1. It’s my right to discipline my child as I see fit to turn her into a productive member of society. I have never beaten her, I have never abused her. A gentle tap on a diapered bottom does not a spanking make. Nor was it intended to be, it’s just to get her moving. 2. If she had fallen and broken her neck, I would be all over the news as a negligent mother. The argument again would have been had: “why didn’t she do everything she could to avoid this? If that were my kid, I would have pulled her away the first chance I got”. 3. There’s no need to gossip and gasp when you see something like that. Behaving like that toward parents encourages them not to discipline their children at all for fear of unwarranted reprisal. Children need consistent discipline, or they will grow up without boundaries and without concern for others. This attitude society has developed is what is pushing it further over the edge. These children are growing up not giving a damn, thinking no-one can or will stop them.

Anecdote of Idiocy #4:

The Harness

When my daughter hit 2.5 years of age, she became hell on heels. She ran everywhere without regard. Being that she’s way faster and smaller than me, I was very concerned over this behaviour. Especially when she would run toward the highway or a busy intersection. I didn’t want her to be in a stroller all the time, that’s not good for their development. So off I went to Wal-Mart to find myself a toddler harness. I found one that looks like a backpack with a pony design. She loves her harness and wears it around the apartment for fun (“look mommy, the horse is riding me”).

Finally, content that she wasn’t in any more danger, we went for a walk. It was a lot of fun for the most part. She stayed close to me, we got some ice cream, and stopped by the park. Then it hit the fan. A group of young women came over to inform me I was being cruel to my child by putting her on a leash and treating her like an animal. When they have kids they’ll be better mothers and treat their kids with respect. I’ve received a lot of negative feedback like that, from some very surprising places. However, I will say this: not one person over the age of 65 has condemned me. All I get from them is praise I take care to protect my child.

1: Children lack the reasoning abilities to make decisions for themselves. They cant puzzle it out when something might be dangerous for the first few years of their life. They have no concept of injury or death. This is why it’s up to the parent to sometimes make the unpopular choices in life for the purpose of saving these small people. 2. Putting a harness on a child does not degrade them, it saves them from death. A parent knows their child better than anyone else. If they have it on their child, there must be a reason. Accept it and shut up. 3: The people complaining about the harness would be the first people to complain and wonder why I didn’t do everything in my power to prevent her death if she had been hit by a car.

On behalf of all parents:

Society needs to stop interfering in situations like these. When people jump in and say things like “it’s ok, she can pet my dog” after I already said no, it lessens my authority over the child and teaches her “mommy is not the final say, anyone can tell her otherwise, I can too”. Stop interfering where you have no business interfering, stop teaching my child your word is stronger than mine. Do not undermine me in front of my child. Because if you don’t, she could end up being the person that steals your old age pension or runs you over 20 years from now because she just doesn’t give a damn.




Comments?

[IhateSubway]

I hate people who feel the need to criticize or comment on other people's parenting skills. When kids come into Walmart and are running around all over the place, I only tell them to stop if they're doing something that could hurt them. I don't think it's right to discipline or scold other people's children. I think it's the parents' job. However, I had one lady get mad at me for not scolding her child. Her kid was playing with water wands (the long nozzles you attach to the end of a hose for watering), and I was down the same aisle making the items organized (which is called zoning). The lady looks at me and says "You know, you can jump in anytime." I look at her and smile and reply with "I'm sorry. I didn't feel it was my place to scold someone else's child." She gives me this incredulous look and walks away. I really hate people. I'm against spanking, but I would never jump down someone's throat for spanking their child. It's not my place. On the other hand, if I saw someone smacking their kid around, then I'd jump in. In conclusion, people take some things WAAAAAY too seriously.

[rhia]

What a knob! People have totally lost sight of what it means to be a parent.
This is why this website is 18 + only. I'm no-ones virtual babysitter, its the parents job to ensure their child is safe on the net, not mine.

[cherubicevil]

It's amazing how many people want to tell you how to raise your child, then throw the parents under the bus when ever the kids do something wrong. I don't believe in beating your child, but other people should MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS, and allow parents to teach morals and respect, and protect their own children how they see fit! These completely spoiled children have become a whole generation of self-absorbed, snotty, opinionated, LAZY, annoying, disrespectful, unlawful little monsters! The killer of it all is, not one of them is held responsible for their own actions. If they break the law, they get a slap on the wrist, and the parents are punished or fined. Just yesterday I got a call from my friend saying that while her her Mom was napping in her own bedroom, a 17 year old girl just walked right in to basically rob the place! The result....the police won't press any charges because she's 17! What the heck!!! There was even another kid outside watching for her. I don't get it. Society has pretty much asked for this by tying parents hands.

[cherubicevil]

Sorry...had more to add, but had to run out the door earlier! A couple of years ago, the kids and I went on a day trip to a local lake with a friend and her kids. We ended up taking 2 cars because there was a lot of stuff and kids to haul. We stopped at the gas station on the way so she could fill her van, and so I could quickly run into the store and get some drinks and goodies. My friend offered to watch the kids for me. Now mind you it was only 73 degrees out, the windows were open in the van, plus I had parked in the shade. The pumps were literally 20 feet away, and my friend had a clear view of the kids while she pumped the gas. A woman actually walked up to the van and looked inside at the kids, got an angry look on her face, and started towards the store like she was going to hunt me down. My friend told her that they were with her and she was watching them, and that I would be right out. The woman said OH and got in her car and left. She just assumed I was a bad person, and that they were in some kind of danger. I would never put my kids in harms way! Also a woman once gave me the ol stink eye at wally world, because I yelled at my kids as they were running away from me and Scott at top speed. We had already told them to stop being wild several times before, because for some reason they were acting like rabid monkeys. I just looked at her and said "Don't even go there!" Think I scared her, cause she booted quick. I am not going to let my kids run off and get grabbed by some psycho child molester, just so some nosy twit doesn't get all incensed over the tone of my voice. I also refuse to let my kids act like wild animals in public. Call me crazy, but I want my kids to be respectful, kind and considerate people, not a couple of unruly hoodlums who think it's ok to be reckless and rude. OK, I'm done now lol!

[SDC]

Here here!
*wild applause

[SnowflakeWisher]

i read the first two and then i coudn't read anymore i was feeling sick. i myself am Catholic and i know "the ways" of the church. it is the most hypocritical crap i've ever seen. good priest are far and few between. as for the woman in the story, i dought what she said ever came out of the priest's mouth. there is nothing wrong with what is called a cry room. yes babies disturb mass, because mass is quiet, but in older churches the very old ones. there is a back room where parents can take the child and watch the mass through the window and still happily re enter to recieve communion.
as far as the bleech story i remember back when if others intervined on mothers it was because the other person was on the mothers side. in the old days the other woman not only would have apologized but also participated in scooping up the child.
ATTENSION WOMEN WE'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO STAND UP FOR EACH OTHER AND HAVE LEARNED HOW TO DOG EACH OTHER!!!

i remember a statement my mom told me when i was little. she told me that when she was growing up children didn't do bad things. mischievious yes. bad no. the reason was because your mom would parent you, your grandmother, you're mother's best girlfriend, you're mother's neighbor, and the widow down the streat would parent you and by the time it was over you did'nt do anything like that or near that agian. her point was people back then intervined but in a good way. a mother was not alone with the help she would get on child raising. you didn't have headlines about bad moms, because things like that just didn't exist.

when she said didn't exist she wasn't talking about abuse, she was talking about the basics. for example if a mother closes the car door with the child & keys inside. in the old days it was because she dropped her keys or didn't realize they were not in her purse. so she could call for help, recieve that help and get her baby out. now days god forbid if you close the car door and don't use your own set of spare keys, but even in the few seconds it takes to re-open your car someone most likely has already used their cell phone about what a horrible mom you are and how you will be in the 5pm news.

LADIES I'M SORRY BUT I BLAME US FOR CHANGING. WE'VE GONE FROM MODEST ADULT WOMEN THAT DEMAND RESPECT TO FEELING OKAY "SHOW A LITTLE CLEAVAGE" BY NOT NOTICING HOW SKIPPY OUR CLOTHING HAS GOTTEN OR EXACTLY HOW MANY SMART ELIC JR HIGH GIRLS HAVE INCREASED OR EXACTLY HOW MANY BOOTYLISIOUS WOMEN ARE SHAKING IT ON TV. WHEN WE LESSON OUR STANDARDS AS LADIES WE GET TREATED LESS LIKE LADIES. WE'VE DUG OUR OWN HOLES BUT WE NEED TO AND CAN CLIMB BACK OUT AGIAN.

step one is turn off the cyber chats and turn on real talk. turn off the reality tv on how to challenge for a man and turn on dating agian(dinner, movie, trips to the zoo etc. without the "so called" need to have sex night one. turn off the competition on which woman struggles the most and turn on the lending hand of womanhood that says hey i've been there what do you need?

i challenge women and mother's everywhere to step up to the plate and say hello let's talk to another woman whom you may find it challange to say hello to.
example you are old and the woman down the street who just came to the neighborhood is young
you are single because you are getting a divorce she is single because she's very beautiful
you are wealthy and married the doctor of your dreams she is in school but works for minimum wage
you are black and grew up in a black community she is white and grew up in a white community
you have 3 or 4 wonderful children she has none
When you approach her to say hi, hand her an APPLE. The very forbidden fruit that helped us begin our journey to realizing what kind of women we are and how with the right kind of guidence we can overcome why we ate it in the first place. Find out for yourselves how quickly you accually have something in comman.